Honey I’ll Be Right In As Soon As I Put On My Football Gear

May 18, 2022

At the risk of offending my reading audience the title of this article drips with sarcasm to drive home a point. It’s probably no surprise to any of you men that as a group we have been reluctantly dragged by the tide of reformist movements that have revamped gender roles. Notwithstanding our denials we have shed traditional socialization patterns as easily as one sheds a piece of gum on the soles of ones shoes without using our hands. This means that “The king of the castle mentality” still lives especially among generations sandwiching The Baby Boomers. If the shoe fits then you can picture in your minds’ eyes Ward Cleaver lounging at home in his cardigan sweater while June Cleaver does all the housework. I don’t think there has ever been much debate over men’s inflated sense of entitlement being linked to their status as breadwinners of their families. Men continue to derive self-worth from “doing for” as opposed to “being with” others. We may find this to be the case even in households where we find the men caring for their children while their wives ply their trades in corporate America.

Maybe, its hard for some of us men to accept that we can be stuck in emotional time warps especially if we cringe at the thought that we are repeating behaviors in our partnerships we swore เว็บแทงบอลปลอดภัย ufabet we would not repeat after giving our parents failing grades in the course: Marital & Parental Relations 101. Still, even as we men acknowledge that gender roles have become fluid, reversible and interchangeable especially, when kids are factored into the equation, I still hear women clients complain that they wish their husbands didn’t sit with them and feel compelled to fix their problems as if they were automobiles with faulty carburetors. These gender role challenges are not the exclusive province of heterosexual relationships either and apply as well in gay and lesbian relationships. Sex may be less significant than which parent are you most comfortable identifying with.

Given this emotional backdrop men may hear something very different when they listen to their partners. Expressions like: “Honey you’re never around” or “I need you to divorce your tailgating buddies and remember who you married,” are usually ill conceived communications to their partners designed to convey that these women want to spend more time with their guys, need to feel more connected, and more important to them. Unfortunately, when you couple the male ego’s insecurities with performance standards that eye Donald Trump as the standard bearer of success, such remarks do not go over very well. They are often heard as: “Buddy, you’re not doing enough and therefore, you are not only to blame for any unhappiness I feel but, more over you are an incompetent partner because you are an inadequate person.”